New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
