so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
