My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
True strength comes from lack of pants
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize