Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
