we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
