Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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