Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
