Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
