I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
