She said her name was "party"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
