So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
