I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
