Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
