This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
