I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
