Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
