I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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