I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How external is "for external use only"?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
