The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
