in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
