I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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