Moan for me like Helen Keller
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
