I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
