Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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