Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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