i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
