evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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