There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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