her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
