Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
