Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
