Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
