Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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