I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
