Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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