My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
