member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
