I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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