Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
