do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
