had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
