the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he was CRYING into my vagina
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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