The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
