I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
