Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
