i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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