Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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