I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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