His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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