just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
